#187 Fan Mail to Lord, Part 10

January 24, 2020
Some testify that fan mail and Piffs go well together. We tend to agree to disagree that it would not be so.


Piff: I was promised fan mail. Why was it all hidden in the Lordish Secretary’s desk? Good thing I checked there.

Time for some answers.

Fan mail: I made you some yummy glup. Another pigeon will soon bring it to you.
Piff: Thank you.

I’ll be acknowledging your kindness the next time I pay a little visit to the good old Das Attendant over there.

Fan mail: Why are you the current Piff anyway?
Piff: A friend challenged me to a game of truth or dare. So here I am.

Just kidding. I have a lot of money.

Fan mail: There is a hole in my boot. Surely as the Lord of the Realm you be able to tell me the cause.
Piff: Ever notice those hatted crabs skittering along the streets?

Ever notice they have these pretty sinister claws?

Case solved. You owe me 20 shiners.

Just kidding. I still have a lot of money.

Fan mail: Piff, do your people have spatial and temporal magic? It must be tricky to flow them both through and around each other. You'd think they would get in each other's way. Do you know why they don't?
Piff: Sure, we have all kinds of magic: spatula magic, tumble magic, pigeons-coming-out-of-hats magic...

My old boss used to say that the greatest magic is called “common sense”.

It’s not even actual magic and yet it balances out everything else. Now that’s magic.

Fan mail: I thought you might be thirsty from protecting the crown, coat, and throne. So I made some of my banana-kiwi-rat glup, and I have attached this to this pigeon.

P.S. This pigeon might be a fire-burper. Watch your feathers.
Piff: Hmm… I already got a drink from another pigeon, so it’s really okay, you don’t have to...

*Piff is being chased by a fire-burping pigeon holding a mug*

Piff and/or pigeon: AAAAaaaAAAAaaa!

Narration: Don’t be afraid – about 50% of the pigeons aren’t harmful to you! Send fan mail any day!

The realm needs YOU! To spread the word:


Gheralf says:

That is one lucky Piff. To receive not one but two whole mugs of glup! People sometimes send me things too, but it’s mostly just letters requesting me to fix my old shirt.

I like my old shirt just the way it is.


Vayandil says:

Speaking of holes in boots, there is a reason I have not been wearing shoes in years. I got fed up finding holes in every new pair I had, so I thought it easier to get rid of any shoes altogether. I never understood why I had this problem, while Gheralf and other people seem to get to enjoy their holeless shoes for months, even years!

Big Sister

Big Sister says:

Today’s Piff is one Dylan Lees.

Thank you, Dylan, for supporting the SpiderForest Haunted Anthology Kickstarter! May your grumpy stare stay plastered in history for eternity!

Also, here's a new batch of comic recommendations! If sci-fi and adventures to far off worlds are your thing, I bet you'll like these:

O Sarilho – An ancient satellite, thought to be in orbit for over 500 years, crashes into enemy territory. The Kirchhoff brothers are sent on a mission to recover its remains, but they end up finding something else entirely... And the locals have an eye on it too.

Millennium – As Luzio and his first mate Sage travel the galaxy helping those in need, they seek answers about the mysterious, ever-looming presence of an evil scientist from Sage's past. With the help of some friends along the way, they discover there's a lot more to the story than they thought...