#214 Fan Mail to Lord, Part 11

Piff: Good evening, everyone.

I worked so hard to become the Lord, but now I’m so tired from all that effort.

Maybe reading some fan mail will perk me up? Fan mails are full of praise, right? I hope there’s praise...

Mail: Would you be interested in these fine leather jackets?
Piff: Leather jackets?! That sounds advanced! I’ll take one!

Mail: We’re bringing back Jollyhoot Multipurpose Toy & Device! Pre-order yours today!
Piff: ... I’ll take three.

Mail: Happy hour special: we’ll make your dream glup a reality!
Piff: Woohoo!

...

...

Wait, that’s all just advertisement. Where is the fan mail? Here it is!

Fan mail: I need to check that your tenure as Lord is licenced through these very complicated documents. These oh-so-very complicated documents.
Piff: That’s preposterous! My rise to lordhood involved fists, pecks and kicks – and a whole lot of smartness! I will refuse these documents. *eats documents* *there are no documents left*

Fan mail: Does a lord have any fears?
Piff: Well. The end of the realm sounds pretty scary. I’ve been told that the end times will be preceded by a few very specific and improbable events. It will never come to pass!

Fan mail: I’ve been watching the hobos from the wall. Strangely, yesterday no one played any card games. Not a single one!
Piff: ...hahaha. Ha...

Fan mail: I haven’t found any rats lately. It’s like they’re all gone from the city. Could you send some food down here?
Piff: ...uhh.

Fan mail: I saw a bunch of pigeons land on something that wasn’t a statue.”
*lord running away in panic*
Piff: The end times!

Pigeon: You can trust me! I know what I doing!
Narration: Send some mail today! Or another day is fine too!