#215 Fan Mail to Lord, Part 12

August 7, 2020
The true personality of a Piff can be seen reflected in her answers to the fan mail.


Piff: Ooh, fan mail!

I like fan mail.


Let’s read some!

Fan mail: “Hi Sir, what should I do with my neighbours? They seem to be constantly banging on my door.”
Piff: Staring at them from the window is very effective. I have personally found out that by using this classic method, it takes only about 600 days to make them stop.

Fan mail: “If the current lord has a family, do they come into the Stately Building too?”
Piff: Usually no, since most of the previous lords’ careers are so short-lived. But not in my case!


When I decided to become the lord I told my hubby to haul his skinny butt up here with me.

He just kept snoring.

I’ll need to send him a message to tell him to come and bring the kids...

Fan mail: “Also how many levels are there in the Stately Building and have you been in them all? Thank you!”
Piff: I counted 2056 floors while climbing... and I’m pretty sure that’s at least a thousand too many. It’s so confusing when half of the floors are upside down and some portals take you back to the beginning!

Fan mail: “After you are kicked out of being Lord Of The Realm, where do you go? back to your regular life, or are you considered a hobo?”
Piff: It’s kind of rude to assume I would get kicked out.

Anyway, if I do I guess it’s back to writing poetry.

Fan mail: “My brother, a Big Snow Owl is marching towards your tower! He has already overthrown 99 Piffs, and you are going to be the jubilee one!”
Piff: Not in my case!

I’m not afr...

*big snow owl holding lord in the air by the crown*

Pigeon: I deliver some mail once. It went okay.
Narration: Get your fan mail delivered... today!


Gheralf says:

That has to be the third biggest person I’ve ever seen.


Vayandil says:

It is a delight to receive mail from you, our hootiest of readers! Reading them is so much fun, so thank you to all of you who have sent some love to our Piffs!