#227 Fan Mail to Lord, Part 13
October 30, 2020
Transcript
Piff: ...
...
...
...what are you staring at?
...I’m trying to read fan mail here...
Fan mail: Lord of the Realm, please help us! We have a plague of tiny spiders waving spooky comics around! They're intelligent so we can't eat them - food that talks is not food. What do you suggest we do???
Piff: ...I hereby declare all intelligent spiders to be brought to me.
...I need them for...
...entertainment.
...tell them that I’m...
...recruiting.
Fan mail: Lord, do your people have Healing Magic? It is among the trickiest of all the spellcrafting arts, as it has to work with Nature and Life. Not like throwing fireballs, ohoho!
Piff: ...I’m sorry, such things are beyond me...
...I only dabble in the...
...dark arts.
*image of Piff’s eyes shining from the darkness*
...ho ho ho...
Fan mail: Who painted the Royal Portrait when the boulder was the Piff? Was it a very famous artist?
Piff: ...the Boulder Lord’s sturdy visage was drawn over two nights and three days...
...by a plethora of young and spirited Paint-bearers...
...alas, they are no more...
...
...most quit afterwards and never touched a brush again...
Fan mail: Also, if a Piff is deposed but then becomes Piff again, does she get two portraits?
*image of Piff with two identical portraits behind him*
Piff: ...yes.
Fan mail: Regarding getting multiple portraits for being Piff more than once, do Piffs ever become Piff just to start a portrait collection?
*image of Piff with a pile of identical portraits behind him*
Piff: ...yes.
Fan mail: P.S. my neighbor keeps me up with karaoke. Can you make a law so that only good singers are allowed to do Karaoke when I'm trying to sleep?
Piff: ...
...it is done.
...goodbye...
...Karaoke...
Fan mail: This letter is just to keep the pigeon employed. P.S. Don't tell the pigeon.
...my beak is tied.
...eternally...
Fan mail: Dear Piff, I love you.
Piff: ...
...
...thanks.
*Piff is smiling*
The pigeons are scared! But they keep doing their best! Send more fan mail!
Gheralf says:
...
Who is this Karaoke?
Never mind. They're banned from everywhere now.
Vayandil says:
All those portraits look eerily similar. I guess Piff loves that particular pose.
Big Sister says:
No, children, those are the last year's comics! You were supposed to take these new billboards and go spread the word about this year's Kickstarter!
Ugh! I guess I have to do the advertising myself:
This year’s SpiderForest Anthology Kickstarter is live! The book consists of 17 stand-alone stories by the SpiderForest members. Including a comic called Blueberry Heaven from Gheralf and Vayandil (no silly owl people story this time, but there's a boreal owl flapping around). Consider backing this peppy printing project! The campaign ends on Friday the 13th! *ominous oo-ing*