#500 Fan Mail to Lord, Part 21

Piff: sigh I left the peer-life to relax, but living among the ninnies is almost as tiring as the endless paperwork and presentations...

Fan mail: Dear Lord, do you know how the Scholar-pioneers recruit new members? I thought they created families in their community, but my neighbour said they were kidnapping talented children.
Piff: That is how it works. They take median children whenever they spot someone with a specific skillset.
“We should take them early – before they have to suffer an undesired amount of insanity from their surroundings.”

Fan mail: Because of this, I am afraid to take my eyes off my daughter, because she is so talented.
Piff: Do these talents happen to include near-sightedness? There’s a simple test for that. But your daughter will need to know how to count numbers. Pick any skittering insect. Do your best not to snack on it (you can do that after the test is over). Show it to your daughter and ask her to tell you how many legs it has. If she starts counting, then I have bad news for you. If she doesn’t start counting and tries to eat the insect, then your snack is gone and you have nothing to worry about.

Fan mail: Because now it seems to me that someone is constantly watching her. I have already boarded up the basement... and the attic... But maybe there are other measures that should be taken?
Piff: You can move to the Slums if you want to be sure. The peers don’t venture there much. Outside of that, you can just let them take her. She’ll be back eventually if she’s like me and gets tired of it.

Fan mail: Hallo! We're sending you a pigeon letter!
Piff: What is this greeting? It almost sounds like something processed through the OotST and trying to sound overly ninny-like.


Fan mail: When Sharpie Whopper has time you should listen to what he has to say. If someone called the Stygian Lord turns up you should listen to him too!
Piff: I don’t know who this Sharpie is, but that name reeks of ninny, so what’s there to listen to? And why is the magic expert involved?


Fan mail: They have plans to try and help the Mad Lord of Magic with his recovery.
Piff: Oh... oh! The magic expert makes so much more sense now. I wouldn’t know what good listening to a ninny about it would do, however.


Fan mail: It is important not to frustrate the Mad Lord of Magic. This can trigger his powers and make bad stuff happen.
Piff: That’s common sense, right?


Fan mail: From the Office of the Scholar-Pioneers – We do the thinking so that you don't have to – because we are birds with brains!
Piff: Why are the peers now sending letters to piffs? Or better yet, why are they advocating for a ninny?! Did a brain drain phenomenon occur after I left?!


Fan mail: With assistance from the Office of the Scholar-Translators – Genius – simplified – when you need simplicity and clarity.
Piff: OotST. I knew it!

Pigeon: Scholar-Pioneer, median… Whoever you are, send your fan mail any time! Pigeons deliver!