#480 Fan Mail to Lord, Part 20

That previous fellow did way too much! I’ll make sure not to waste any more guards... Oh, there’s none left? I should have jumped in earlier...

Fan mail: I’ve heard there’s a famous saying that goes, “uneasy lies the head that wears a crown”, so now I want to know if all Piffs are cursed to tell the truth and can’t lie while wearing a crown!
Piff: Why would the crown do something like that? Besides, I am always truthful! Except this one time a few minutes ago when I was posing as a Royal Paint-Bearer. And the time some weeks ago when I stole a lens from some guy hanging at the gluppery. And a month ago when I...

Fan mail: Because of recent events we have structured certain solutions to undergoing developments that, in syntatic context, are relevant information for you to assimilate through this pigeon-based information transmission linkage matrix.
Piff: Hmhmm. Yes, I see. Pigeons and stuff, huh.


Fan mail: The relevant information pertains an individual who appears to be a centre of transdimensional flux drawing from the vast power of the energy-over-entropy dimensional source of choice-shaped energies and forms as they make contact with the structured dimension of physics-shaped energies and forms.


Piff: Actually, no, I don’t see! Why’s this letter so complicated?! Secretary, can’t you translate this for me?!
Lordish Secretary: Read the attachment, Your Lordship.
Piff: Attach-what? Oh, this?


Fan mail: Hello Lord of the Realm! We’re sending you a pigeon letter!
Piff: I see! Pigeons and stuff!


Fan mail: There’s a guy who has too much magic. We think the magic made him crazy!
Piff: Oh, I know magic! I have a whole collection of it at home! Wait, it can make you go crazy?


Fan mail: The Aviatar was able to fix it for a while with a magic-suppressing crown but it’s been damaged and isn’t working right. We don’t plan to replace it because we don’t have another one, and can’t make one.
Piff: Hmm. Maybe I’ve suppressed my collection? I haven’t seen the kids go crazy at least. Our attic-dwelling cousin I’m not so sure about...


Fan mail: Because he has too much magic and is crazy we recommend you avoid him, but he was Lord of the Realm so might come to you. But the magic can be dangerous, so make sure you stay away from him.
Piff: If he reaches me, will I become crazy? Will my kids become crazy?! ATTIC-DWELLING COUSIN?! I gotta go! I must protect my family!


Piff: Ouf! The headache! Where was I? Where did that fake artist go? Oh, there’s more letters? Let me see...


Fan mail: Office of the Scholar-Pioneers. ‘We do the thinking so that you don't have to - because we are birds with brains!’
Piff: Wait! This is the end of the letter? And it’s from SCHOLAR-PIONEERS? It’s so long... I’ll back up a bit.

Fan mail: Unless a means of limiting or shaping the transdimensional flux to render it moot or beneficial to be found our recommendation is to avoid the individual who is exhibiting the evidence of white-hole choice-energy instability at all costs...
Piff: OH MY HEAD! I must lie down.

Pigeon: Note from Pigeons’R’Faster Operationals: To avoid headaches, calculate the pigeon flight trajectory carefully!